Review: Trix Loaded Cereal (with Vanilla Crème Filling)

It’s almost like we can’t be free until the whole goddamn *system* is toppled

I am a traitor to the cause; you must go on without me, comrades

The back of the sugary cereal box is a goddamn propaganda poster for the glorious and patriotic campaign of eating more sugary cereal and convincing your friends to eat more sugary cereal too

This month’s sugary cereal has provided my taste buds with a momentary burst of orgasmic pleasure, derived from the already-fading novelty of eating an entirely new food item never before envisioned by man, a novelty which will fade into a obscurity as quickly as last month’s sugary cereal did

Meanwhile, I will regret what I have done to my fragile human frame long after the thrilling novelty of eating General Mills’ six-dollar box of internal-organ-debilitating Trix™ Loaded cereal (with vanilla crème filling) completes its one-way trip through the leaky sieve of my flawed human memory

I regret everything. This deceitful cereal is worthy of our utmost scorn. Its makers should be pilloried in the village stocks. I implore you to hate this cereal more than you’ve ever hated any other cereal. You should never stop thinking about how much you hate this cereal.

SCORE: 7 out of 10.

Can we bring back the concept of a “pet tax”? Like, if we’re gonna let AI models generate all the information we consume from here on out, could we at least force them to AI-generate a cute picture of a cat for us once they’re finished influencing the way we think and behave towards each other